I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
