i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
