Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
