Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
This is the high leading the old right now
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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