We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
