Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
