Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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