ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
