As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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