so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
