so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
