i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
