if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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