we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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