I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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