Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
