i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
