Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
