i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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