My brain says no but my pants say off.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
