i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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