I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
