By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
