You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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