Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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