oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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