yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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