like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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