I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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