I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
