This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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