he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
