Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
