You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
