Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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