I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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