i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
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I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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