3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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