Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
