Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
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You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
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Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
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