I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize