thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
