WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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