Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
