just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
