wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
accomplished twins. life is a go
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
