you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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