Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
