can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
