im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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