I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
