I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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