Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
