I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
