Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
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is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
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It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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