Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
