I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
