when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
