i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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