It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come see our sink grown plant.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize