is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
